TL;DR – As Modern Asian Parents, we embrace our culture and the idea of giving our children a better life. We want to balance Western parenting style, which is more lovey dovey and emotionally supportive, with the Asian ideals on education and respect.
Google Asian parenting and the top hits are bound to be about “tiger parenting” and “traditional” Asian parenting. You most likely are familiar with this stereotyped idea of Asian parenting- kids being forced to learn piano or attend Chinese school on the weekends, moms and dads who only care about good grades and high marks on exams, grandmas asking what kind of doctor their grandkids would like to be when they grow up. For most of us, there is a lot of truth to these stereotypes. However, as first and second generation Asian diasporas are growing up and becoming parents ourselves, we find this definition very limiting, no longer applicable, and frankly very shallow and misleading.
Being byproducts of traditional Asian parenting ourselves, we know that at the heart of Asian parenting is the strong, universal desire of parents to give their children a much better life than what they had. Most western parents might not agree with the “methods” to attain that goal, but they’re probably missing the historical, cultural, and circumstantial context behind the laser focus on education.
Why Education Has Long Been So Important To Asian Parents
Education has long been heralded as the way to climb up the social ladder in China. Literally, for over a thousand years, taking and excelling at a fiercely competitive exam called the imperial civil service examination was how one earned status, a career, and a secured future. Passing this examination was the way a person could be selected as a government official. And how does one try to pass an exam? By working hard and studying their butt off for it, of course.
Even though the imperial examination system ended in 1904, the meritocratic idea that studying hard will get you where you need to go in life has been so ingrained in Chinese culture that its influences can be felt decades, and even a century later. For parents in China who had children under the strict one child policy, it was a no-brainer to invest as much as they could into their only child’s future through education. For parents who left everything they knew behind in Asia in search of a better life for their children in the West, it also made sense to emphasize the tried and trued way of succeeding in life by being laser focused on academics and much less so on extracurriculars.
Next Generation Asian Parenting Style
As beneficiaries of our parents’ hard work and countless sacrifices, we are lucky that we do not have to prescribe traditional Asian parenting on our kids. Instead of worrying about how to give our children the best while earning minimum wage and not understanding English, we have the luxury of being educated, having a career (whether we love it or not is a whole other story), and having so many answers to any parenting questions at our fingertips through technology. It doesn’t mean that parenting is not difficult for us, but the struggle is different now. Instead of vehemently believing that there’s only a handful of paths towards a bright future, we know that you don’t have to go to an Ivy, you don’t have to become a doctor, and you certainly don’t have to do better than your cousins just to make your parents proud. That’s where Modern Asian Parents comes in.
We are parents who appreciate our Asian upbringing, background, and culture, and we would like to pass along the traditions, language, and stories that make up some of the best parts of our own childhood. Yes, we still believe education is very important, but we intend on raising well-rounded, world-class citizens and teaching them why they want to learn instead of forcing them to memorize concepts to achieve a perfect grade. Ultimately, the goal is to get our children to achieve high marks not because the child is afraid of failure and being a disappointment to his or her parents, but because the child is able to understand there is more to life than school once they grow up, and they should learn as much as they can in school to help them make better informed choices after graduation. It’s a lofty goal, of course, and not one that applies to every single child, as one size fits all doesn’t really exist.
Whereas in the past, our parents might have defined success- and hence happiness- as a steady corporate job to climb up the ladder until you’re 65 and able to retire, Modern Asian Parents believe that success and happiness are defined by the individual, but they are anchored in financial independence. The bulk of life’s headaches center around money issues and not understanding the individual’s definition of “enough.” We aim to raise confident, independent, smart, hardworking, and thoughtful kids who appreciate what they have in life and give them the foundational tools to be able to determine what happiness and success looks like to them. We want to enable them to lead a fulfilling life and also be equipped with a solid family support system to navigate the inevitable ups and downs and major issues.
At Modern Asian Parents, we hope to foster a community that helps one another out and to share resources that will help make this parenting journey easier as we grow alongside our kids. This is an open-minded, judge-free zone and we are really excited to join you in nurturing the next generation of Asians growing up away from the Motherland, wherever that may be.